Half & Half

Once upon a time I lived next door to a Chinese woman who married a white gentleman from south of the Mason-Dixon line. At their wedding his brother made the following paraphrased speech explaining their inter-racial nuptials: “Let’s see…you Asians are better than us in school. You make better cars than us. And your electronics are better than ours. Well hell, if we can’t beat you out, we’re going to breed you out.”

Obviously this is not why the two tied the knot (I think). No, the real reason they became man and wife was to make “Halvsies”. To answer that quizzical look on your face, “Halvsies” are people who are half-Asian / half-Caucasian or African-American. And in my opinion they are the cutest babies and children in the world (of course I’m biased, but I’d rather be a Halvsie).

It’s hard to explain why they’re so darn adorable. You see, “Halvsies” children have this skin tone that kind of magically glows. And their facial proportions seem “just right”. Chances are you know a “Halvsie” or two; they look like Asian movie characters that are played by white actors or actresses. As a point of reference here are some famous “Halvsies” you might have heard of:

Anne Curry (NBC News)
Mike Shinoda (Linkin Park)
Hines Ward (Pro Football Player)
Keanu Reeves (Actor)
Kristin Kreuk (plays Lana Lang on the TV show Smallville)
Paul Kariya (Pro Hockey Player)
Apollo Ohno (Olympic Athlete)
Jon Gosselin (formerly of Jon & Kate Plus 8)
Mark-Paul Gosselaar (you probably know him as “Zack” from Saved By the Bell)
Sailor Moon

For me, the unbearable cuteness of “Halvsies” children is proof that we human beings were meant to look beyond the color of our skin and live together as one by hooking up with one another. After all, is it just coincidence that you can’t spell “Caucasian” without “Asian”?