Why?

A production company in L.A. recently posted the following casting call: “We need attractive Asian-Americans with lively, strong and unique personalities…especially individuals who know about and\or experienced the Koreatown life…if you are not Asian but are obsessed with Asian culture or people in some way, email us and please explain.” Yes, they’re planning to make an Asian-American version of MTV’s Jersey Shore.

While I may not know exactly whom they’re going to typecast for this show, I can at least share with you the kind of Asian-Americans characters you might see based on my own life experiences. So without further ado, I give you my version of K-Town…

• Wu Hu: Militant Chinese-American gal who accuses anyone who doesn’t embrace his or her Asian heritage as being a “sell-out”. Asian Studies major. Feels one of the few good things about America is that everything is made in China. And Kentucky Fried Chicken.

• Faith Song: Super religious Korean-American gal. Active in her Korean church’s young adults group. Drives the church van with Korean lettering on the side. She’s the one that buys those Christian Pop compilations advertised on TV from Time-Life Music. 

• Bill Yomama: Japanese-American guy. Heavily involved with activities that look good on grad school applications. Culturally well-adjusted e.g. Goes to “public” Ivy school to fit in with other Asians. Purposely misuses the word “ironic” to fit in with white people.

• Harry Chin: Chinese-American banana guy. His conundrum: he’s attracted to banana girls who won’t date other Asians. Caucasian Status is level 9 i.e. one of the few Asians in America who actually uses flat sheets as part of their bedding ensemble.

• Tracy Roboto: Studious and quiet Japanese-American gal who keeps to herself. Accomplished academically and on the violin. Even too geeky for other Asian-American geeks (and not in a lovable Glee kind of way).     

• Grant Park: Korean-American guy who’s very flashy with his parent’s money from their dry cleaning\gas station\party store businesses. Thinks he’s funny but is not; just yells “boo-yah!” all the time and rips off lines said by Stifler from the American Pie movies.     

• Mia Ho: Promiscuous Chinese-American gal. Trophy girlfriend. Nickname is Lucky Strike because guys think she’s “smoking hot” and her wanton nature. Oblivious parents think it’s because she’s a very good bowler.  

• Rhy S. Queen: White gal from San Francisco suburbs. Wants to be Asian so much she went into engineering. Desperately wants to date\marry a Chinese, Filipino, Japanese or Korean guy because “Once you go bamboo, only Asians will do.”