Right Hair, Right Now

I need a haircut.

The thing is, I’m Asian. And being Asian means I have Asian hair. So finding someone who can cut my hair properly can be difficult. Not to generalize, but white people are not very good at cutting Asian hair.

It’s not your fault Caucasian hair stylist. But going to you is like going to an eye doctor for a toothache. You see, Asian hair tends to be heavy, straight, coarse, resistant to change and stubborn about coloring. It doesn’t behave like white people’s hair. I think that’s one reason why people think Asians look all the same: we have like three to four styles of haircuts. Not surprisingly you see many Asian women modeling long, straight hair. As they mature they tend to transition to a perm look. Think of it as the equivalent of white women wearing mom jeans to signal the end of their youth.

Throughout the years many Asians (including me) have tried to copy the hairstyles of the white and famous. For example, I remember seeing one young hipster trying to pull off the James Dean look. Sadly his rebel-without-a-cause bouffant just made him look like Kim Jong-Il. And I know from personal experience that highlighting dark Asian locks takes drums of hair-coloring chemicals. Maybe we do all this to assimilate to American culture. Or perhaps we want to look like celebrities, too. I know I’d rather have a disheveled hairstyle that makes me look teen vampire versus one that makes me look like a PhD candidate.

When I lived in Pittsburgh I went to a Korean hair stylist who “kept it real”. You knew she was no poser because she had pictures of Asian celebrities everywhere…and one of Jesus (Koreans are extremely religious. Not in a “Who Would Jesus Bomb” kind of way. It’s more like “God is watching. Look like you’re busy.”). She was also inexpensive. Unfortunately those who can tame the Asian mane seem to charge by the hair. That’s why I sit here today, letting my tresses grow (really) long.

So next time you see what appears to be an ugly Asian girl don’t be a stranger: please come up and say “hi” to me.