Sometimes people say things that lack thoughtfulness or enlightenment. Although no malice may be intended, the guilty words can be quite annoying. For example, when non-Asian strangers try to make small talk with Asian Americans (like myself) they often surrender their common sense and serve up insightful gems like:
“You’re [Asian nationality]? I know someone that’s [Asian nationality]!”
What we say: “Really? That’s interesting.”
What we’d like to say: “Wow. That’s amazing. You know what that makes us? Absolutely nothing.”
“Do you know [Pick an Asian name, any Asian name]?”
What we say: “Sorry. I don’t.”
What we’d like to say: “What makes you think all bajillion of us Asians know each other?!?!? You, my friend, are a portrait of stupidity…by the way, are you talking about [Asian name] that owns the dry cleaners on Broadway?”
“Would you feel more comfortable using chopsticks?”
(A well-meaning woman said this to me as she served her family and I a spaghetti dinner.)
What we say: “No thank you. A fork will be fine.”
What we’d like to say: “You’re pretty talkative for a geisha.”
“Hey, can you build me a TV?”
(Or something that resorts to Asian stereotypes like engineering-inclinations. Normally said by some self-anointed funny guy at a social gathering.)
What we say: “[Polite laughter]. Sorry, I can’t.”
What we’d like to say: “Can you spell TV?”
“Where are you from?”
(People over the age of 55 tend to be the culprits of this one.)
What we say: “Well, my parents are from [Asian nation]. I was born in this country.”
What we’d like to say: “I’m from Uranus” followed by some juvenile giggling.
“What kind of doctor are you?”
What we say: “Internal medicine.” (Or in my case, “Unfortunately my grades kept me out of med school.”)
What we’d like to say: “I’m the Doctor of Love. And my sweet lovin’ is gonna cure what ails you.”
“Hey! Jackie Chan!”
(This was actually said to me by a woman at a grocery store. Plays to the fact that people think all Asians look alike and Jackie Chan is the only Asian celebrity they can name.)
What I said: [Politely smiled then walked away]
What I should have said: “Hey, hey, hey! It’s Fat Albert!”
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Electoral Dysfunction
Well, the primary elections are over. And what did we learn? For the most part we Asian Americans really aren’t political animals.
Oh, we vote. And we definitely have our party preferences and own some pretty strong opinions. Just talk to any Asian mother and she’ll be more than happy to be the jury on anything and everything.
We just don’t post signs on our lawns telling the cul-de-sac which president, congressperson, mayor, sheriff, judge, water commissioner, proposal and Dancing with the Stars contestant will get our vote. We don’t put bumper stickers on our cars declaring our feelings on abortion or the war in Iraq or to not move firewood. We might “like” something on Facebook but that’s pretty much all you’ll get out of us publicly.
The thing is a lot of Asian Americans do vote Democrat or Republican. They might even consider themselves liberal or conservative. But we don’t let politics be the spokesperson for who we are as individuals. To us it’s something you don’t advertise.
Politics is a private issue like if we prefer being on top or bottom.
Let’s face it. People are quick to form an opinion about a person based on what box he or she fills in on a ballot. Asian Americans prefer to be judgmental in other ways such as what school you went to, your weight, the cuteness of your children\grandchildren and (if you’re a Korean woman) the quality of your kim-chi.
I think this all goes back to the idea of Asian Americans being the “silent” minority. We’re taught to work hard, practice the piano and keep quiet. Don’t draw attention to yourself or rock the boat. Now and then I do see a few rogue Asian Americans share their politics with the world. But they’re like good Asian basketball players: a minority within a minority.
No matter which way you swing politically I encourage everyone this November to exercise your right to vote. Sadly, however, this is the only kind of exercise a lot of Americans will get all year.
Oh, we vote. And we definitely have our party preferences and own some pretty strong opinions. Just talk to any Asian mother and she’ll be more than happy to be the jury on anything and everything.
We just don’t post signs on our lawns telling the cul-de-sac which president, congressperson, mayor, sheriff, judge, water commissioner, proposal and Dancing with the Stars contestant will get our vote. We don’t put bumper stickers on our cars declaring our feelings on abortion or the war in Iraq or to not move firewood. We might “like” something on Facebook but that’s pretty much all you’ll get out of us publicly.
The thing is a lot of Asian Americans do vote Democrat or Republican. They might even consider themselves liberal or conservative. But we don’t let politics be the spokesperson for who we are as individuals. To us it’s something you don’t advertise.
Politics is a private issue like if we prefer being on top or bottom.
Let’s face it. People are quick to form an opinion about a person based on what box he or she fills in on a ballot. Asian Americans prefer to be judgmental in other ways such as what school you went to, your weight, the cuteness of your children\grandchildren and (if you’re a Korean woman) the quality of your kim-chi.
I think this all goes back to the idea of Asian Americans being the “silent” minority. We’re taught to work hard, practice the piano and keep quiet. Don’t draw attention to yourself or rock the boat. Now and then I do see a few rogue Asian Americans share their politics with the world. But they’re like good Asian basketball players: a minority within a minority.
No matter which way you swing politically I encourage everyone this November to exercise your right to vote. Sadly, however, this is the only kind of exercise a lot of Americans will get all year.
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