I’m sure all of you are waiting with bated breath for my take on the “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior” article published recently in The Wall Street Journal (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html). Well, go ahead and breathe because here it is: Define success.
For a lot of people (not just Asians), success means being rich. Or as the Koreans say it: reee$$$h. For example, when one of my relatives in Korea was asked why she drove an expensive, gas-guzzling car in a country where petrol costs one child per gallon, she replied “It’s important to look reee$$$h.” So you basically sacrifice everything for the sake of attaining wealth. After all, money lets you do a lot of different things. But is it really worth it if you’re killing yourself trying to make all this money?
I’ve read some articles recently about a lot of lawyers who have regretted their career choice because of the ungodly hours they have to work. Yes, they make a lot of money. But the popular sentiment is that if they had to do it all over again, they would have chosen a different career – even if it paid less. Would that make them less successful people?
My folks have told me about some families they know of where the dad lives in one state while the rest of the brood lives in another (Yes, they’re Asian). The story usually plays out like this: Papa Bear’s company is moving out of state. Mama Bear doesn’t want to uproot the family. In the interest of maintaining a really nice paycheck, they go with an arrangement where Papa Bear flies in on Friday nights then leaves on Sunday nights. Something about seeing your family two days a week doesn’t sound very successful to me…unless your names are Jon and Kate Gosselin.
It’s okay to own things. Just don’t let the things own you.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a big proponent of discipline. I believe in pushing your kids to do well in school so they don’t have to go to THE Ohio State University. And I also feel a lot of parents are marshmallowy soft with their children when they underachieve due to a lack of effort. It’s like what one of my advertising instructors once told me, “You don’t just pick up a guitar and become a rock star. You have to learn the fundamentals first. And that takes hard work.” I think I just asked him where the bathroom was. Anyway, the point is studying is a skill that needs to be learned. And a good education lets you have more options in life. So I’m all for pushing a kid over some proverbial academic hump, my hump, my lovely lady bumps (Sorry, I had Black Eyed Peas for dinner).
Yes, you can study to be a doctor. I feel, however, there has to be a part of a person that also wants to be a doctor. In other words, I don’t think an angry Asian mother is the best reason to go into medicine. Sure, kids have a hard time seeing the big picture and parents should help them realize there’s more to life than grades K-12. I have a lot of smart friends who are doctors, engineers and other brainy things. They not only all have what I consider great jobs, but they also have and had a balanced life. In fact, I would argue they’re better at their jobs because of that. Those are the people I consider successful.
In a way I agree with the Chinese mother’s principles. It’s just the degree to which she takes it to that makes me grateful for my own parents. Yes, education was important to them. In fact, they could get you to believe that the problems in North Korea were due to my B+ in Physics. But they also gave me the slack to become things like a bad tennis player.
It’s funny. My parents tell me a lot of their friends are always complaining about how their adult children are so mean and unattached to them. I guess you reap what you sow.
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