I Know You Are, But What Am I?

Just like women have Gay-dar, Asians have A-dar: the innate capability to tell the difference between Asians, specifically (at least for me) Chinese, Japanese and Koreans. It’s a skill that stems from an Asian’s ability to pick up miniscule nuances like t-shirts that say “Kiss Me I’m Korean” or the fact that you’re in a Chinese restaurant. This is something you don’t really learn. You’re just born with it. There are, however, a few telltale signs that can help you avoid the embarrassment of asking a Japanese person if he’s Polish.

The first clue is language. Since I’m a Korean, han-gul (that’s Korean for “Korean”) is my baseline. This is what sounds normal to me. I do notice, however, Koreans really like to draw out the vowels in their words. I believe the intent is to emphasize their disappointment in everything.

In contrast, the Japanese language sounds like a lot of work. It seems to use a lot of words to express something simple. For example, look at their last names. Families in Japan carry such bloodline designations as Tanaka, Yamaguchi and Supercalafragilistiexpealadocious. Then there’s the Chinese.

It should be noted that China is made up of several different races that have their own distinct dialects. Nonetheless, the Chinese language generally sounds like someone playing a record backwards.

When the spoken word fails you, there’s always an Asian’s physical appearance. Koreans generally have wider faces covered in fairer skin tones with hints of yellow. Our eyes aren’t as slanted as the Chinese or Japanese. But our noses are bigger and our hair tends to be browner. The Japanese face has a lot of angularity to it as well as a lot more paleness. Their jaw lines are strong and their eyes tend to have a lot more slant to them. For me, there are two Chinese looks. The Southern version tends to have rounder eyes and darker skin. They also seem to be shorter than even Koreans. On the other hand, their Northern counterparts usually are pastier with almond-shaped eyes. They also tend to be taller. Regardless of where they’re from, the Chinese always looked soft and delicate to me. Kind of like, well, a China Doll.

In lieu of A-Dar, perhaps the easiest way to figure things out is simply by asking. Don’t worry. We really don’t take offense to questions like “Are you Korean?” It’s the follow-up inquiries that annoy us. For example, after I tell you I’m Korean, don’t respond with things like, “You know, I have a TV from Korea.” This just tells me that you’re stupid. And trust me, I didn’t need any A-Dar to figure that one out.