Snap! Crackle! K-Pop!

According to many an envious non-Korean Asian, there are only a few things Koreans do well. Pop music, otherwise known as K-Pop, is one of them.  In fact, the only thing more popular than K-Pop music in Asia is K-Pop fashion. And Costco.

To be honest, K-Pop is not my thing. I prefer music from indie-pop bands that refuse to look at the camera in their pictures. But to be fair, K-Pop isn’t bad karaoke either. It really is no different than American pop songs you hear today from artists you’ll forget tomorrow. And when you think of all the Asians in the world and their disposable incomes, well, you can see why this music is pretty $eriou$ bu$ine$$. In fact, a lot of K-Pop artists are starting to collaborate with western musical trendsetters such as Kanye West, will.i.am and the Jonas Brothers. 

The stories of K-Pop stars read like, well, a corporate manual. Talent management companies first identify young Koreans they deem as having star potential. They must be attractive and as thin as a Korean mother’s patience. They must go through at least a 2-year apprenticeship that involves singing, dancing and pouting. Upon graduation, they are grouped with other Koreans not necessarily based on talent or compatibility, but if they look good standing next to each other. A few are handsome enough to become solo artists. 

So, who are these wunderkinds of Asian pop music? The following is a sampler of some of K-Pop’s biggest stars.

SHINee (Pronounced “shiny”)

R&B boy band. Fashion icons. Famous for something called “The SHINee Look”: high top sneakers, skinny jeans and colorful sweaters. Apparently looking like a douche bag is not only an American thing. 

You Might Know Them From Such Hits As:

Older Girl, You’re So Pretty

Girl’s Generation

A nine-member girl group. Nothing scandalous or terribly interesting about them. Just a bunch of nice Korean girls. Also known as Soshi or SNSD. Why? I have no idea. Why is the name “Jack” short for “John”?

You Might Know Them From Such Hit Songs As:

Oh!

Visual Dreams

Gee

Rain

The King of K-Pop. Has done several Korean movies like I’m a Cyborg But That’s OK. Was on a Korean TV show called Full House. No, not that Full House. This one made him a star throughout Asia, the US and Israel. Yes, that Israel. Has appeared in American movies like Speed Racer and Ninja Assassin. Once listed as one of the Top 100 Most Influential People in the World by Time magazine. I do not know if Rain’s mother asked him, “How come not MOST influential people in the world?!?!?”

You Might Know Him From Such Hits As:

Ways to Avoid the Sun

Hip Song

BigBang

They’re either big fans of physics and named their group after the theory. Or they just like the sound of the name. Either way, this Korean boy band were a hit machine in the mid to late 2000s. Like every other musical group, once they achieved success they went on to pursue solo projects. Reunited in 2011 and released their EP Tonight: the first K-Pop album ever to reach the Top 10 U.S. iTunes Charts. 

You Might Know Them From Such Hits As:

Strong Baby

Lollipop

Oh My Friend

Se7en

Apparently the names 6ix and Ei8ht were already taken. Not a band but actually a one-man force of Korean awesomeness. Had sold-out concerts in NYC, L.A. and Washington D.C. Has worked with Lil’ Kim. Hasn’t lived in Korea since 2007. Just like Kim Jong Il, setting his sights on America. 

You Might Know Him From Such Hits As:

Girls

Crazy

I Know

Brown Eyed Girls

At first, just another K-Pop girl group. Now, a Korean mother’s worst nightmare. Redefined themselves as the naughty girls of K-Pop with the release of their song and video, Abracadabra. Where were these girls when I had to go to Korean Culture School? Arch nemesis of another girl group, The Wonder Girls.

The Wonder Girls

In 2009, they became the first Korean singers ever to have a single (called Nobody) on Billboard’s Hot 100 List. In fact, they are “over 30,000,000 in download sales” popular. They also toured with the Jonas Brothers during said group’s North American tour. Released their single 2 Different Tears in Korean, Chinese and English. One of the original members actually left the group to go back to school; I guess you can take the girl out of Korea, but you can’t take the Korea out of the girl.